Indecent Proposal

Has someone ever propositioned you so indecently, so wrong, yet the offer or gain to you is so irresistible that you just can’t refuse? Yeah, me neither. Demi Moore I am not, it would seem.

That’s not to say I haven’t had my share of propositions. Once when I was out rock chickin’, some drunken, staggering dude came up to me and told me he would pick up the hotel tab if I kept my tie up the ankle shoes on during the lovemakin’. It was tough, but somehow i managed to find the strength to take a pass on that one.

Yesterday a gypsy potential customer came into my office seeking a homeowners insurance policy. I don’t know how familiar you might be are with Gypsies, Travelers or the more PC and sophisticated and classy sounding gens du voyage (French for traveling people), but here in my area, we have one of the highest concentration of the gypsy population. When I worked at the police department, we even had a Gypsy Crimes Task Force. While not normally violent (except to each other), they certainly are masters of con games, swindles, luring people out of their homes with all sorts of ruses and one of my personal favorites, insurance fraud.

With a bit of insight, they aren’t hard to spot and this one even came with the ever popular Gypsy surname of Miller. Enough about gypsies…back to the story. Oh wait, one more thing. I’ve heard that it’s only a myth that gypsies aren’t concerned too much about their personal hygiene. In my experience, that’s more of a truth, particularly in the dental related area. I’m just saying.

Back to Mr. Miller and his search for Homeowners Insurance. My keen Nancy Drew skills set off my “this is trouble” alarm, but I gave him a quote anyway and to no shock to me, it was more than he wanted to pay. This phenomenon doesn’t solely apply to gypsies, no matter what I quote anybody, it’s always more than they want to pay.

He asked me to reduce the premium by $200 and I offered him the option of taking a much higher deductible, but even with the subsequent quotes, I couldn’t get to the dollar figure he had in his head.

Oh, well! I didn’t really want to write it anyway, so no harm, no foul.

He asked again what it would take for me to drop the premium by $200. I told him that I have no control over the rates and my apologies, but there was nothing I could do for him. I thought he was getting up to leave, but he leaned over and whispered in my ear that he would take me to a room for a night of pleasure and even buy my breakfast if I took $200 off that premium.

WHAT? Did I just hear that correctly? I took a split second to look at his face and decided that I had.

First of all, yuck.

Second of all, he’s looking to save $200, but he’s offering to take me to a hotel and buy me breakfast in order to do so? Do I look like a fleabag motel wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, rootie tootie fresh and fruity IHOP kind of hooch? I think not, but if I’m putting out that vibe, I would hope one of my friends would please let me know.

Third of all, if I’m going to be prostituting myself out in order to write insurance policies, shouldn’t I get something? This guy’s offering me, at best, scabies and a pancake and yet he would get $200?

I told him to get the “eff” out. I didn’t even say “eff”, I used the real word and my coworker’s eyes got as big as saucers. He left without further incident and I thought it was over until the phone rang about thirty minutes later. It was Mr. Miller telling me that he’ll take the policy at the full price that I quoted to him.

Ummm, no you won’t, Mr. Miller, because I don’t want to write it. Click.

Most people think of insurance as boring and usually it is, but I have to say, it does have it’s interesting moments. 2010 is certainly starting off as “interesting” for The Rock Chick. Can’t wait to see what today brings.

Tagged as: gypsy, gypsy crimes, indecent proposal, insurance