Dumb It Down

Please. I don’t get out much.

Last night I went to the musical kick off dinner at the high school. My daughter has a part in this year’s show and the school hosts a pot luck dinner for the families of everyone involved so that those teachers running the event can pass out all necessary schedules and forms and basically give us a run down of what to expect for the next two months. The highlight of the evening is the kids doing a teaser performance of one of the songs in the show, which is short, but indeed, the best two minutes of the evening. Hands down.

The remaining 118 minutes leave more than a little to be desired. After everyone gets their food, the speeches start. I realize a run down of what’s to be expected is the point of the gathering, but the way the two directors of the show babble on each year and speak at the parents is as if all parents live in some sort of secluded bubble and we only get released once a year to listen to these two speak.

This years highlight? The ability to purchase tickets to the show online.

WHAT? Really? You can buy tickets to an event online? WOW! This is brand new information. I’ve never ever heard of Ticketmaster such a thing! Please tell me more! 37 minutes more. (ok, I might have been watching the clock) Oh, and I might need you to sum it up for me again before we go. Just in case.

I learned that after I make sure my computer is on, I can locate my internet browser and fire that baby right up. Did you know that there’s these awesome things now called web addresses and if you type it in the top line of the browser, you are taken to a specific website?

Oh em gee! No way! Isn’t technology awesome? Tell me more!!!!

I don’t have a copy of the slideshow (sigh) shown that instructed us step by step how to operate the drop down boxes that would let us choose which tickets we wanted and how to enter our credit card information, but you know what, here’s the best part…If I buy something online, a receipt can be sent to my email! WOW! No freakin’ way!

Wait. I’m confused. What’s email? I’d better start taking some notes. There’s a service charge to buy tickets online? 50 cents? Slow down there, Mister! What does that mean and where do I stick the quarters? My computer doesn’t have a coin slot. If the tickets are $10.00 and then there’s a fifty cent service charge for each ticket, how much will the tickets be? Please tell me! This is far too much information to process all at once. Oh, $10.50? Thank you.

I think you get the idea. Once he was done talking, the very dramatic drama director told us about how sometimes rehearsals can cause added stress. (no shit!) She told us how she gets to her “happy place”. I’m not certain how long she spoke because her voice caused me to suffer a Depersonalization Episode, but it was a long time. I also don’t know where her “happy place” actually is, but it’s definitely located somewhere between Horton hearing a Who and Footloose.

She then gave the “parent responsibility” speech. Parents, make sure your kids do their homework. Make sure they get to practice. Make sure they eat so they remain healthy and my personal favorite….she knows Facebook and Twitter are addictive, but maybe parents could unplug for just a few minutes a day and check in with their kids to see if they need extra help getting to their “happy place”.

Unplug? Unplug what? What is this Facebook thing of which she speaks? Is there a service charge? I still don’t know where to stick the quarters!

I sat looking around the room at lawyers, doctors, teachers, engineers and a slew of hundreds of other professional people also known as parents. All of us looked dumbfounded, finding it hard to believe that these two could think we are all so out of touch that we would need to sit through this kind of a presentation.

I left thinking I was probably going to need some medication to get to my happy place. Good Lord.

Tagged as: WTF? rant